Life has been far too chaotic in our household lately. Maybe not THAT crazy, but enough to get me stressed. And mama being too stressed tends to not be great for everyone else. Not that I turn into a screaming banshee, but I’m just plain less fun, less energetic, and less patient. Being fun, energetic, and patient is kind of a prerequisite for being a mother of many.
I think the holidays tend to get the best of us when it comes to freaking out over perfection, perception, and assumptions. And of course we bring it all on ourselves.
I cleared my project calendar so I could spend a week focusing on the house and kids instead of work for a change. It has been soooooo nice. We do things like decorating foam snowman cutouts or glittery snowflakes from the Target $1 bin. Or build towers of wood blocks. Or bake cookies. Or simply get all the laundry put away so we can see the floor. You know, the stuff I should be doing anyway as a mother. But, so much of it falls to the wayside when I’m focusing on that whole money making thing.
With another baby on the way, we really need to do a renovation in the basement. The “bedroom” downstairs is not legal, in fact I have no idea how it passed inspection. As much as the money would really help us right now, I need to cut back on my freelance work. I was starting to really neglect the more important things. There is this work/family/personal time balance that becomes more complicated once you have 3+ children. And to be honest, I think they actually need you more as they get older and have school and activities. Between preschool, behavior therapy, appointments, playtime, cleaning, cooking, pregnancy, diapers, contractors, remodels, and plenty of other little things, I have a feeling it would be very beneficial for me to cut back on work. And sponsored posts as well. So I am.
I attended my father’s funeral this week. His long battle with alcoholism finally came to an end, two days before Christmas. It was a bittersweet reminder of what can happen when you let your life get too far out of balance. Some family drama got me to thinking once again about energy drains and their negative effects. Every few months, I purge out some negative energy drains in my life, and then they eventually creep back in. I look around me and see our lack of furniture, lack of color, lack of decorating, lack of personality, and I realize how much our home environment is an energy drain. I need to change it, but I never seem to get around to it. My biggest excuse for not doing it is the big energy drain of my freelance work. This work does not pay nearly enough compared to the time and stress invested. There isn’t enough of me to go around. I lack balance.
I’m not one for resolutions, but I do have plans for 2016. This is the year I plan to make us a home. Or at least start the process. It will be slow going since we lack the funds to do much at a time, but slowly moving forward is better than moving backward. A chair here, a light there, (did I mention none of the rooms have any overheard lighting of any kind?), and slowly but surely, we will have a cozy home we want to be in. I don’t just mean furniture and lamps, I also mean cups, and rugs, and blankets, and cleaning, and organization. Our nomad lifestyle caught up with us and the minimalism is no longer comfortable.
Which all comes full circle into my goal of being a better and more present wife, mother, and woman. I think I finally have it in me to put my money where my mouth is. Balance is foreign to me. It will be the dawning of a new era.
Happy New Year
May we all find our personal sweet spot with balance in our lives.