Life is interesting when there are a million distractions. I only wish I was this busy with my previous pregnancies.
I am 21 weeks pregnant and we just had our big ultrasound. All is well so far and we even found out how room arrangements will eventually play out with the kids. That is, if they had rooms.
You see, we just lost another house. Not for any real reason. The other realtor seemed to admit he simply disliked our realtor and ignored us on that principle, which is odd. Our offer was just as good, but we were mysteriously nixed. OK, game over. So it is official, we will be homeless in three weeks with no where to go other than my mom’s house. My mom’s house is a terrible option because it is in another state and would make a horrible commute for my husband. I would technically be operating my business illegally if I continued to work while there, so I would have to close temporarily which is business suicide. Plus, my mom is going through a big life changing crisis at the moment. Not counting that that house is nothing but pain to me.
In addition to that, I am going through an emotional thing about all this. I have never gotten to bring a baby home to an actual home. I am not talking about a nursery or decorated space. Just a home. A simple home to make my own. I feel so incredibly sad about barely owning anything and having no where to live and bringing babies home to some rented hovel in a very unfriendly city. I feel like such a failure.
Then I wonder if I am just an entitled American brat for wishing to have things like a place to live, a new bra, and a freaking chair. Will things somehow work out in the end? Yes. But it will be years too late like everything else and I am getting tired. We ran out of time. No amount of spirit can conjure up another $100k and another three months.
There is a man here right now giving my husband an estimate for how many thousands we need to spend to have them move and store our belongings while we live out of my sister’s garage. The bright side is there will likely only be a couple more snow storms if any, so at least it will be relatively warm.
So there is the downer news. The upper news? We are having a girl. Ssshhhhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone. We didn’t care which we had either way, but if this is my last baby then I guess having the two closest in age sharing a room is easier. All of the miscarriage and infertility anxiety I had with the other pregnancies is replaced with anxiety over being homeless. At least the homeless thing is temporary, so it is far easier than the infertility and losses. But, it doesn’t feel easy right now. It sucks. It leaves me wondering how much of my prenatal depression is situational. I guess I will find out this summer.
Congrats on your little girl, mama! So sorry to hear your story 🙁 But you’re doing great keeping your head up, it sounds like! I don’t think you’re being an entitled American brat, it’s just a matter of perspective. Your problems are just as real and emotional for you, regardless of anyone else’s struggles. A toddler’s feelings over the wrong color cup are still feelings, even though toddlers around the world only wish they had a cup for clean water. Your feelings are valid. ((Hugs))
Aw, thanks, I know things will look up.